www.incontinentsupport.org

I realize that I have not been super active on this forum except for a few posts here and there, but I have learned so much from you all about living life with incontinence. I recently had a huge breakthrough that I figured I'd share here... in hopes that it might encourage and help anyone else who is trying to make their way through the maze of emotions and issues that come with this condition.

As someone on the younger side of things (just 32 years old), learning to deal with this condition can be distressing, frustrating, and seem like it is an endless series of ups and downs.

I have finally come to accept my condition. Even just typing those words has a certain level of relief in them.

Now medically speaking, I am still able to make it to the rest room (most of the time). And at night, *most of the time* I wake up before I void. But the constant fear of leaking, the constant fear of not making it, the constant fear of wetting the bed so much that it disrupts my wife... has been the worst part.

So instead of trying to fight my constant urges, I've decided to embrace it for what it is... and use diapers.

Coming to this level of acceptance has been huge. Before this, I was always on the lookout for the next medical advance that could help.

I was constantly tracking every sip of liquid I took. Timing my voids. Running to the bathroom every time I thought I had to go (which was constantly).

All while the major medical advance that I've been looking for has been staring me in the face: diapers.

See, some people think of incontinence as not having control of one's bladder (or bowels). For me, I do not see it that way. Thanks to high quality diapers, I AM in control of my bladder. It does not control me. I am in control of when I change... of how I live my life.. and instead of being chained to a bathroom toilet and obsessing over every sip of water wondering how long before I would start leaking... I've taken back control by wearing diapers.

The results have been amazing.

I feel more confident. I feel more assured that I am not going to be out living my life and be stuck in some situation where I don't have access to a bathroom.

My social life has drastically improved. Instead of feeling embarrassed for the constant trips to the bathroom while I was out with friends, I am actually able to participate and enjoy a drink or two with my buddies (like a normal 32 year old guy would) without fear of wetting myself or not making it to the rest room in time.

In short, diapers have given me a newfound freedom. I've found that a wet diaper is much more comfortable that wet pants and wet sheets at night. So much stress has been lifted from me by not trying to fix my bladder, but to live with it the way it is.

In the eyes of some people, wearing diapers would be embarrassing. But I've come to love diapers... and although I don't have every detail figured out (ex: What to say if a friend finds out? how to exercise in a diaper? How do you travel with diapers? etc)... I think I am on the right track with accepting this is just apart of my life.

Fortunately, I have an amazing wife who is so supportive and loving. I couldn't do this without her.

And I'm also grateful for this community that has given me a ton of valuable insight in to living with this condition.

Anyway... thanks for reading and I hope this encourages anybody else struggling with incontinence.

DD1983

Thanks for posting DD1983. It sounds like our conditions are very similar. I'm chained to a toilet most of the time because I still refuse to allow myself to voluntarily wet my diapers. I'm going 15-25 times per day and leaking afterwards for 15-20 minutes after each void. So while I wear protection of some variety 24/7/365 I'm still using the toilet pretty much all the time.
Your post was insightful and helpful.......we're all going back into diapers, some of us just get there sooner than others!!

Great post, DD1983! Sometimes coping with incontinence is learning how best to live with it. You seem to have done that very well.

However, bummer about having to do that at your young age.

--John
(old guy, double incontinent)

PB&J32 wrote:Thanks for posting DD1983. It sounds like our conditions are very similar. I'm chained to a toilet most of the time because I still refuse to allow myself to voluntarily wet my diapers. I'm going 15-25 times per day and leaking afterwards for 15-20 minutes after each void. So while I wear protection of some variety 24/7/365 I'm still using the toilet pretty much all the time.
Your post was insightful and helpful.......we're all going back into diapers, some of us just get there sooner than others!!

PB&J32 - Thanks for the reply and yes, it does sound like our conditions are similar. I've been there, and I know what it feels like to be chained to the toilet. Everyone has their own ways of coping and managing, but I wrote that really to encourage anyone out there who was struggling with it. For me, I felt like if I just wore diapers 24/7/365 I was almost "giving up" on being able to find a permanent solution. I don't see it as the case at all. Diapers ARE the solution for me now, and it has been amazing to feel so much better. I just had too many times where I'd come out of using the bathroom and the whole front of my pants would be wet from leaking after a void. Or I would have such a sudden intense urge to go I would barely make it (or sometimes NOT make it). It was just negatively impacting my life way more than diapers ever have. I hope that you find a solution that works for you too! I've been following your story and wish you all the best.

And yes... we are all going to be back in diapers... I wasn't anticipating it at 32, but hey... there's a lot of life yet to live and I will be doing just like everyone else... just in my thicker more absorbent underwear

JDinVirginia wrote:Great post, DD1983! Sometimes coping with incontinence is learning how best to live with it. You seem to have done that very well.

However, bummer about having to do that at your young age.

--John
(old guy, double incontinent)

Thanks, John. Glad you liked it Been thinking about it for a while. Yes, it is a little bit of a bummer to be dealing with it at this age, but I am grateful that I've learned to accept it this early on, and not waste time and energy on living in fear of an accident or the "worst case scenario". Plus, the more I get used to it, the more I find diapers to be comfortable, and dare I say I like them (especially compared to the alternative). Never thought I'd be appreciating diapers so much.

I am sure double incontinence has a whole different set of challenges but you seem to be handling it well. Cheers!

dd1983,

A breakthrough indeed. Cheers to you, seven times over. Diapers, properly understood and used by adults when necessary, can make life so much more livable. Are they a crutch? They are indeed, but adolescent athletes use crutches proudly after an injury. Use them for their intended purpose, then get on with more important things in life.

Patrick wrote:dd1983,

A breakthrough indeed. Cheers to you, seven times over. Diapers, properly understood and used by adults when necessary, can make life so much more livable. Are they a crutch? They are indeed, but adolescent athletes use crutches proudly after an injury. Use them for their intended purpose, then get on with more important things in life.

Thanks, Patrick. Much appreciated. There are many more important parts of life that I will not miss now thanks to finally accepting and embracing diapers as a form of protection. Are they a crutch? Sure. But one that I am not ashamed of using because it has greatly improved my quality of life. Thanks again for your encouragement

dd1983,

My thoughts exactly. I too did not think I would have to ever wear diapers till my late 80's if ever. Thanks to diapers I am no longer worried about making it to the bathroom on time. It is inevitable I have learned that I am going to have an accident, the question is when. Gone a full work day without a leak than as I am getting ready to leave, surprise! than there are those days I go through my stash at work and have to restock. Go figure. Plus, being a computer guy I get stopped on the way to the bathroom to be asked a question. They don't get their answer because I tell them I am going to the bathroom and unless you want me to go right here you will have to wait. Little do they know that moment of me stopping has started the flow. One thing new with me is in the past it was a small leak here and there, but lately, it feels like my bladder just empties itself. This has me exploring the use of booster pads which really helps with flooding.

My wife is also supportive as she realizes it is a medical condition and the meds to help have unpleasant side effects. She gives me the space I need at home when I need to change and understands if I have to go back to the car for my change bag to having an extra one in the bottom of her purse because it would have looked strange for me to carry a backpack on a recent day trip with extended family. That day I was a little dehydrated being careful not to drink my usual amount.

Just like you I am still learning some of the ends and outs. Still haven't figured out the exercise thing and wished I had a portable A/C unit now that summer has arrived. The sweat alone makes me feel like I have to change.

I just want to say thank you SO much for this post dd. While struggling with cost, I'm finally accepting that this is part of my life now and I need to figure out how to deal with it the best way I can...

batman381327 wrote:dd1983,

My thoughts exactly. I too did not think I would have to ever wear diapers till my late 80's if ever. Thanks to diapers I am no longer worried about making it to the bathroom on time. It is inevitable I have learned that I am going to have an accident, the question is when. Gone a full work day without a leak than as I am getting ready to leave, surprise! than there are those days I go through my stash at work and have to restock. Go figure. Plus, being a computer guy I get stopped on the way to the bathroom to be asked a question. They don't get their answer because I tell them I am going to the bathroom and unless you want me to go right here you will have to wait. Little do they know that moment of me stopping has started the flow. One thing new with me is in the past it was a small leak here and there, but lately, it feels like my bladder just empties itself. This has me exploring the use of booster pads which really helps with flooding.

My wife is also supportive as she realizes it is a medical condition and the meds to help have unpleasant side effects. She gives me the space I need at home when I need to change and understands if I have to go back to the car for my change bag to having an extra one in the bottom of her purse because it would have looked strange for me to carry a backpack on a recent day trip with extended family. That day I was a little dehydrated being careful not to drink my usual amount.

Just like you I am still learning some of the ends and outs. Still haven't figured out the exercise thing and wished I had a portable A/C unit now that summer has arrived. The sweat alone makes me feel like I have to change.

Hi Batman- I totally agree.... Wish there was a portable A/C unit that could keep me cool down there! haha In terms of learning the best way to manage it, I think having others like in this forum to ask questions about is huge. Whenever there is something I am unsure about, I just remind myself, "I am not the only one to have run in to this... who else can help?"

Best of luck to you!

justej wrote:I just want to say thank you SO much for this post dd. While struggling with cost, I'm finally accepting that this is part of my life now and I need to figure out how to deal with it the best way I can...

Hi Justej,

You bet. Glad it was encouraging to you

Everyone has their own way of accepting and dealing with it, and I am sure you will get to that place as well.

All the best,

DD1983