www.incontinentsupport.org

This is bothering me less than it used to, but it's not really something I feel there's been any real resolution for, it's just over time gotten less acute. Most of the things I do over the course of a day don't really cause thoughts about masculinity to come up. I go to work, I do chores, errands, see friends, whatever, all that is fine. But sometimes when I'm changing my diaper and it turns out that it's extra wet/heavy that time for whatever reason... it's impossible to see the diaper as just "a different kind of underpants". A man's underwear shouldn't be heavy with his own pee.

And it's at those times that I'm reminded that for most men a full bladder is something that doesn't require immediate action, and doesn't involve leaking. I keep thinking about the fact that probably half the men I see walking around every day, probably have a full bladder at the time I see them, and they're completely dry in front and they're not panicking about finding a bathroom. Probably a lot of them won't even decide it's time to go to the bathroom at all, for another hour. And all of that time they're holding in their full bladders and going about their lives.

To me, that level of masculinity is amazing. I've never been that kind of masculine. I was always dribbling in my underpants and running for the bathroom. I wanted to be that kind of masculine, when I first called up the urologist and made that first appointment. It just turned out that it wasn't in the cards.

I don't really have a resolution for this. I still feel this way every time I think about it. Over time I guess I've just been thinking about it less. It still pops up for me when I'm at Walmart and I pass by the men's underwear aisle and see the packages of men's underwear with the photos of the men wearing it. And they look so casual and masculine and everything I wanted to be. Heck, maybe the underwear models were holding a full bladder at the time the photo shoot happened. And then here I am with an empty bladder and a full diaper. I can't do all the "guy stuff" like standing next to the other guys at the urinal, either.

I'm curious if other men have had this stuff come up for them, and if anyone has thoughts.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and solve your concerns. With you I leak continually; standing at a urinal is a distant memory. The frustration is real, but limited. Folks with other disabilities are worse off than I am. I am not arthritic; I am not dealing with a medical condition that leaves me wheelchair bound, and I am independent. In the grand scheme of life, incontinence is embarrassing, but not life threating. It is frustrating, but not catastrophic. That makes this site so valuable. This is the place for us to vent our frustrations, among friends who endure the same conditions, who understand. Good luck and keep the correspondence and support going.

Early in my IC journey, I had many of these types of feelings. But now going on five years, I think I've made peace with it. My wife and kids don't ridicule me and life simply goes on. My wife doesn't like using the word diaper but I can live with that. I know the limits of what I can get away with IC wise and for the most part don't suffer consequences.

Patrick expressed it well. There's a lot worse that we could have to face. Count your blessings.

I am 41. When I was just bedwetting, I was stupid. I did not try to date when I was young because of it. Now I am so jacked up that it is what it is.

I have gotten very good at hiding my issue, but one thing that came up this past weekend was a family member flat-out asking if I had given up even trying to find someone. Really, YEAH! I have.

I posted here years ago about just not caring anymore, and I wish I could do that with this. I see people online who don't wear a leak-proof cover (Garywear active), don't wear brief pants like underwear, and don't wear a tucked-in shirt or bodysuit.

It got to me yesterday that I did not care about how I look than I would be so much more comfortable.

I live alone and still keep shorts and stuff on (Partly because I have no butt to hold things up) I am never just in a diaper. So in a way tying to stay masculine has its drawbacks too.

_________________
Life is like a camera
Focus of what is important
Capture the good times
Develop from the negatives
Take another shot!

Hi All

I am in my 40’s now I became incontinent at the age of 13 so grew up in diapers and had to (conditioned) accept them. I have read many posts here and it must be so difficult when people become incontinent later in life I feel for you masculinity is about control and a loss of control hurts.

I look at it a different way diapers give me control over my incontinence yes being wet is a nuisance but when and where I change is my choice and a positive is that I don’t have to join a line to go to the toilet and am not a slave to the toilet like other people and can enjoy events and the like so much more.

“Yes I have incontinence but incontinence does not have me”

I am over 65 and retired.

I recently had to have a kidney stone removed. Since I have OAB (over active bladder), I simply owned it while I was at the hospital. Thankfully, this U-IC only becomes an issue when my bladder gets full, leaving me with considerable control. So I dressed back into my pull-up after the procedure was done, with the help of a nurse without batting an eye. She was supportive and asking a few innocent questions about my OAB control. Later that week, I had to have a catheter removed. Again, I went to the appointment with a pull-up on, as if it were normal. I'm sure that the medical staff has seen it all. No one has said anything negative.

It has taken me 5+ years to get to this level of acceptance, but I feel that I have nothing to apologize for. Anyone else in my shoes would likely do the same (if they didn't, they'd suffer some embarrassing accidents).